Counting It All Joy

There is a work, a change, the Lord has done in me. 
How else can I explain this peace?
How else can I explain thanking Him not just despite these trials, but for them?

I know myself. 
I know my own sin well enough to know that it doesn't come from me. 
These verses come to mind repeatedly.

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with Thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

How could I thank Him for this on my own?
There's no way. 
And yet, I find myself there. 
I find myself waiting to see how He will show His glory and His provision in this. 

I think we read these verses and think they should mean that we'll be happy during trials. Happy.
Such a fickle word. I'm not talking about happiness. I'm also not talking about being a statue without feeling.

I have mourned. I have cried a lot the past couple of weeks. I have cried out to God,

"How much more?!"


"When is it enough loss?"

And then the quiet confidence. The peace.

.... in quiet and in trust will be your strength...
Isa 30:15

I have read the Puritans and wondered

How did they remember so much Scripture? How did it drip out of every sentence?

This is how. 

 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:6-7

The Lord has been testing me by fire for several years now. The past couple of weeks, though, have been especially hard. I've been through harder. But my heart aches.

Here is how you can pray:

-As I have shared before, when we left TN, we left Emma and the 2 dogs. I wish we hadn't. I have no idea what we could have done differently. We had NO idea how hard this was going to be. We had no idea how long we'd be traveling. We thought this was just about leaving TN, as I shared in my last blog, it's about so much more. Is about me detoxing, slowly, (more on that in a minute) and learning the skills of the power curve and what I will have to do for the rest of my life to stay up on that curve. Emma stayed behind in my parents home. A home that I reacted severely to. Our mentor suspects that it is not safe for me for Emma to come directly to us. She will need an in between place to start detoxing. We suspect she'll need 3-6 months of doing this before she can come with us. Even then, we know that there still be a period of time before she can stay in the same hotel or room as I can. My heart aches. I feel crushed. 

- As I have shared previously, it is both good and bad that we have found our latest location. I have detoxed here more than ANYWHERE we've been. And that sounds fantastic. However, remember that power curve? I have to keep climbing it by limiting my exposures to what made me sick. The more I am exposed to what made me sick, the more I slip down. And the more I slip down, the weaker I get. And the weaker I get, the more reactive I get. It's a vicious circle. That has now happened. It happened because I was exposed to more of what made me sick because I was detoxing too quickly. It was from what came out of me. Now, I'm reacting to Steve because he is detoxing. He hasn't been able to get close to me in 24 hours without me passing out. It's because he's detoxing. We actually have to leave here so that the detox turns off for a little while. 

So it's been a hard couple of weeks. Hit after hit after hit.

And yet...

2 Corinthians 4:7-8

We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed....

In Christ,


If the Lord moves you to give to our journey:

Venmo: Steve-Bullington-80

Share your thoughts :