On Empty


"How are you doing?" I asked my daughter.

"Ready to leave."

"Really?" I replied.

"I'm surprised to hear you say that."

"My memory and focus are so bad and I just want it over with."

That, in a nutshell, describes how our family feels.

We're exhausted.

A well meaning friend sent me a message the other day. She said, "You could write a cookbook! I would buy one!"

(For those who don't know, cooking is my great passion and I love to create recipes. I used to create and video recipes. If you're super bored and want to watch them, you can go here. 😉 )

I explained to her that there is no way that I can do that. This past weekend, during the high mold (more on that in a minute), I couldn't even stand. I would fall just trying to take one step. At one point, I was lying on the floor, calling my husband because I couldn't get up. I couldn't even sit up.

Over this past weekend, it was high mold air quality in Tennessee. My tremors started back up and I fell hard, more times than I can count.

"Quit trying to walk," my mother replied.

It's not that simple. My wheelchair doesn't fit everywhere. I might have to take a step to the sink or toilet.

The sun came out a couple of days. It was sunny and bright. I started walking. Last night, I was walking normally. This morning I could tell it was starting to go. I stepped out on the back porch thinking that fresh air might help. Sometimes it does.

Last year, when we went to Envita, we were at the end of ourselves. We knew I was dying. I now replay all of the conversations with my doctor,

"People come down here and we see a lot miracles. A lot of people get better. And a lot of it is the treatment. And a lot of it is the climate."

"There are some people whose genetics can not keep up with their environment. You seem to be in that category."

"It is apparent that this was 100% environmental with you. You are going to have to figure out where you feel good and move there."

I didn't know today was a high mold day again. I was walking and took the dogs outside to go to the bathroom. Made it back into the kitchen and fell hard on the floor.

Frankly, I'm running out of fight. That doesn't mean I'm suicidal or have a death wish. I don't. But I'm out of fight.

God will have to fight for me because I am completely and totally on empty.

I am waiting for Him.


If you would like to read our full story, I have documented it all on this blog. If God lays it on your heart to give, our Go Fund Me is here.

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