What I Eat in a Week 7/24/2020 -7/29/2020

Wednesday, July 29, 2020



In my blog post last week, I shared that I am striving to share the physical, spiritual, and emotional things that I am doing as am continuing to recover from mold illness.


Since dealing with a mast cell flare up, I am eating more of a low histamine diet. I am still eating a few higher histamine foods, but trying to spread them out. When I spoke to my doctor at Envita a couple of weeks ago, we agreed that fixing my gut is a huge issue. 

Due to the mast cell issues, I can't do ferments or even short cooked meat stock yet. I think there may be a day I can, but I'm not there.
I am on a probiotic that I handle well and I am adding as many vegetables in as possible on a daily and weekly basis.
The Paleo Mom has shown that a variety of veggies is crucial in healing the gut.
Dr. Terry Wahls has uses a large variety of veggies as she put her M.S. into remission.
There is a lot in this world that I can't control, but I can control what I eat.

I have started tracking my daily meals to see how many different veggies (and fruit) that I can eat in a week.

This is what I have eaten this week:

Carrots
Zucchini
Yellow Onions
Arugula
Baby Lettuce Greens
Red Onion
Avocado
Cilantro
Asparagus
Parsnips
Spinach
Apple
Leeks
Purple Cabbage
Blueberries
Sweet Potato 
Cauliflower
Broccoli
Romaine Lettuce
Brussel Sprouts
Radish
Parsley
Fennel
Yellow Beets
Raspberries
Plantains


26 different fruits and veggies!
Next week I am striving for 30. Here are some of my plates and bowls.


Chicken Thigh, Fried Asparagus, Roasted Carrots and Parsnips.


Copycat Chipotle Chicken Burrito Bowl
Chicken Breast, Riced Cilantro Lime Cauliflower, Romaine Lettuce, Red Onion, Cilantro and Guacamole.
Recipe here:


Chicken Breast, Romaine Lettuce, Roasted Broccoli, Leeks, Red Onion, Cilantro, Radish, topped with Chimichurri Sauce.


Chicken Thigh, Fried Yellow Onion and Zucchini, Carrots, Baby Lettuce Greens with Blueberries, salt and olive oil.

Treating the Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Side of Mold Illness

Wednesday, July 22, 2020





I was hanging on by a thread. I had gone in for my last ketamine appointment before going to treatment. The ketamine helped me to maintain some movement but it was doing less and less each time. I was deteriorating and I knew it. Steve knew it. My parents could see it. My sister could see it.

I was exhausted.

During ketamine, you are pretty out of it. It's anesthesia but they don't put you completely under. You're in and out of it. I had started the ketamine for the severe ptsd, depression and anxiety. I was continuing it for the paralysis. Regardless of why you're using ketamine, it will bring stuff up. Emotions, fears, traumas. It does it in a way that's not quite as traumatic as living it again but it's not fun, nonetheless. 

After each appointment we'd met: the anesthesiologist who administers the ketamine, the counselor (if you had one in the room) and your relative that you had there with you.

So there we sit: Me, Steve, my counselor and the anesthesiologist.

They're kind there. They very gently tell me that they think maybe that I should speak to one of their counselors: a former pastor.

"While you were under, you were crying and looking for God."

I'm a little stunned. God has been the only thing that has gotten me this far. I'm embarrassed. How could I have been so weak?

We set up the appointment for me to come back and meet with the counselor in a week. After we leave, though, I look at Steve.

"I don't want to meet with the counselor. I don't want to have to relay my story to one more person. I'd rather just talk to my dad."

He says he understands and I call back and cancel the appointment.

My dad is a former pastor, bible teacher and certified Biblical Counselor. He has watched me go through all of this. I don't have to rehash the past, we can just dive in. That's what I prefer.

I call my dad and ask him if he can come over. He's amazing so he does.

We sit outside and talk. I spend a lot of time outside. It's the only place I feel halfway decent (in retrospect, a warning sign). I tell him what happened during ketamine, how embarrassed I am.

He looks at me and says, "Well, what do you think is going on?"


I break down sobbing.

"I think I am absolutely exhausted."

"So do I," he says. "We want to separate our lives into compartments: the spiritual, the emotional, the physical, but that's just not how life works. It all effects each other."

We talk for a while and pray and I feel relieved, knowing I'm actually just human.




We see this happen in the book of Job. Job starts strong. In Job 1, we are led right into Job's trials. In one day he loses almost everything, including his children. Yet we are told his reaction:

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.
Job 1:20-22

Joel James writes in his e book, Help! I Can't Handle All These Trials,

A second reason Job went off the rails was that he let the termite of time gnaw at his faith. According to Job 7:3, Job's grief and the burning torments of his physical ailments had extended for months by the time his friends arrived. Job's suffering felt eternal; the sheer duration of it was wearing him down.

....Time is a killer in trials. Like Job, we start with strong faith, but as we tick off the days on the calendar, turn the page over to a new month, eventually buy a new calendar for next year, and then a new one for the year after that, we can easily despair. Time makes trials hard.

And that was where I was. Time was affecting me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It was wearing me down.


The fact is, that the past (now almost) 4 years have had an impact on me. They just have. I have to treat all of these: physical, emotional and spiritual.

Physically, there are supplements and medications that I have to take. There are brain exercises that I have to do.
Emotionally, I have to watch my stress. It's my number one trigger. I have to prioritize relationships.
Spiritually, I have to focus on who God is and who I am.

So, as I am going forward, I am going to seek to blog this journey. I shared this the other day, but I'm going to do this for a few reasons:

1. To hold myself accountable. This is work. It's not easy. If I just keep doing what I've been doing, I will remain where I am.
2. For my own records. This is so I can see how far I've come but also see what's working and what isn't.
3. For those who feel hopeless. I have spoken to those who are struggling with giving up. I have spoken to friends who have lost someone who did give up. I hope to point others to truth and hope.


On the top of this blog, you will see 4 categories. The first is my mold illness story. When someone asks me for my story, I always want to point them to this blog for a few reasons:

1. I just don't want to live in the past anymore. The past few years have been extraordinarily painful. I have no desire to rehash it. 
2. I have put pretty much my whole mold story (with records) up on my blog for anyone that wants to read it. I have shown pictures and video of what I went through. If pictures tell a thousand words, I believe you can learn much more by reading what I have already posted.
3. To the glory of God. That is my end goal. I desire to show His faithfulness and His truth through all of this.

The second, third and fourth categories are on the physical, emotional and spiritual issues that I am working through as I move forward. Many of these will overlap because, that's just how life works. I hope that this will encourage you in whatever you are going through.

In Christ,







6 Months Post Treatment- Where I Am Now and Next Steps

Sunday, July 19, 2020




This week makes 6 months since I wrapped up treatment for mold illness at Envita Medical Center. It's hard to believe it's already been 6 months. 

It's hard to believe that this was me in December.


This last week I had a phone appointment with my doctor from Envita. Now that it's been 6 months, I wanted to give a full update on where I am and what's next.

First, the amazing parts:

Since going to treatment I've gained almost 10 lbs. This is great because last year
I was consistently losing weight among my other symptoms. I was steadily dropping 2-3 lbs a month. I have slowly but consistently gained this year which is awesome.

I am, of course, still walking. My wheelchair is gathering dust in storage. I plan on keeping it that way.


My color is still good. I don't look (or feel) I'm dying anymore. My color change was one of the first things that the other patients at Envita noticed (that, and the fact that I was walking). It has been one of the things that I have gotten the most comments about as well.

I know the valley of the shadow of death...



I can confidently say that He was with me. His rod and His staff comforted me.



There are, however, a few areas that I still need work.


1. Brain

Mold wreaks havoc on your whole body. One of the areas that it really attacks is the brain. I shared a little bit about this on my Instagram and Facebook a couple of weeks ago. I said that I would share more in a forthcoming blog post. I am going to do that now.

My functional doctor back in Knoxville knew 2 years ago that I was having issues with my brain, vagus nerve, and sympathetic dominance. I sprained my ankle a couple of years ago and was screaming in pain. I went to the E.R. twice thinking that I had broken it. It was some of the worst pain I've experienced in my life.
For a sprained ankle.

But I made it to 9 cm with the twins before I got an epidural and, while it wasn't easy, I was able to breathe through it. How could a sprained ankle be worse than that? 

Answer:
It wasn't.
But my brain saw it as a threat and my pain was through the roof.

That doctor told me, probably almost 2 years ago now,

"It's your brain."

While he wasn't totally right...
he wasn't totally wrong either.

We couldn't have known that I was living in a second home that was making me ill. Had that not been my situation, things likely wouldn't have gotten as bad as they did. I am grateful as I know God had a purpose, I know the mold was still in my body and I was able to go get treatment.

Back to the brain...

Now that I am in a safe environment and my doctor did, as was his primary goal, get me through the worst of it, 

I have to work on my brain.

When you go through years of mold illness, or chronic illness in general, your body goes into fight or flight. There is benefit in this. Our brains are designed to recognize threats and take care of us. Unfortunately, your brain can get stuck there. 

That's where mine is.

(If you want to read more about this, you can go here:

This is the reason that I don't feel hunger. This is the reason that my body thought there was more pain than there was with the sprained ankle. This is one reason that my body keeps reacting to foods and the laundry list of stuff I can't eat keeps getting longer.

So, after losing beef, I discussed it with my doctor.
Brain training was the next step.

There are a few different options when it comes to brain training.

One is neurofeedback.
This is the way it works: You are hooked up to all kinds of wires that are reading your brain waves. While watching a tv show on Netflix, Hulu, etc, the wires are reading your brain waves. When your brain waves are perfectly where they should be, you get a perfectly clear picture on the computer and you get perfect sound. It passively rewards your brain for doing what it's supposed to do. We did several thousand dollars worth of this treatment last year. Would it have worked if I had not been in a home that was making me ill? Possibly. We'll never know. It has helped a lot of people, but it's not something that I'm willing to spend thousands more on.

Two, Heartmath. My doctor at Envita is a big fan of Heartmath so it may still be something that we have to add in. I did Heartmath for a while last year. I did notice while doing it that my body would relax and my stomach would start digesting. In heartmath you are working on your breathing and heartrate. It tells you when you get it where it should be so, again, your brain gets a reward for knowing what it's supposed to do. The only thing has kept me from purchasing Heartmath is that it's a little more expensive to buy for the computer which is how I would have to use it. When I purchased the one that works on your phone with bluetooth, I got all kinds of tingling in my brain. I am HIGHLY sensitive to EMF so I do have to be careful here.

Three, DNRS or Gupta Program. I have a friend with mold illness who has made great progress with DNRS. It was the one that I was going to use, however, an amazing friend is allowing me to use her Gupta Program. So, Gupta it is!

In these programs, you are working on relaxing the central nervous system and retraining the limbic and amygdala parts of the brain. One of the things that held me back from these programs is that there are some things that they practice that go against my Christian beliefs. What I have done is change the parts that I don't agree with and use Scripture as my reference.

Both of these programs are copyrighted so I have to be careful what I share, but you are actively catching thought patterns and retraining them. This is actually very biblical.

2 Corinthians 10:5- We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

One of the things that I have found interesting is that I can be very weak. So weak, in fact, that my family can barely hear me when I'm talking. I will go and do my 5 daily rounds and, after that, I have energy. It isn't an energy boost from exercise, there isn't any. Most people with chronic illness couldn't do it otherwise. It is completely brain work. I am only 3 weeks into the program. It is recommended that you try it for 6 months before you make a decision on how well it's working for you. I think it's working. I think it will work more when we add in the next pieces.

2. Adrenals

My ongoing struggle with my adrenals. When your brain is living in fight or flight, you are living on adrenaline. Your body can only do that for so long before it crashes. I had someone ask this past week if this was adrenal fatigue or adrenal insufficiency, which is life threatening.

This is adrenal fatigue. I have been tested for adrenal insufficiency multiple times. I don't have it.
 It is, however, difficult. When my adrenals crash, I can often feel them throbbing in my back. I have unquenchable thirst and blood sugar issues.

Yes, I recognize that sounds like diabetes. It isn't. I've been tested multiple times.

Right now, the most effective thing that we've found for my adrenals is Siberian Ginseng.

This has been a game changer for me.

This helps my adrenals keep up (I do still have to be careful about overdoing it). It helps me deal better with stress and it helps me calm down. When my adrenals are shot, my anxiety is up. 


 
I make a tincture and take it daily. What has gotten me in trouble over the past few months is when I've run out before I had more ready. Last month I went out of town, ran out of Siberian Ginseng and my daughter had this wreck all within a few days.

(She's ok, by the way)

The stress and lack of adrenal support has had me down for 3 weeks. I just started taking some Siberian Ginseng yesterday and felt an immediate boost. From now on, I will do a better job of making sure that I always have it around.

We are also adding Chinese Skullcap. It was on back order so I don't have it yet, but Chinese Skullcap is a nervine. It helps to support the nervous system so it will be great while I'm also doing the brain training. It is apparently great for overthinkers.

Raise your hand if that's you.


No? Just me?
Cool.


3. Mast Cell

This is common in mold illness, unfortunately. With Mast Cell, your body mounts an allergic reaction to foods that are perfectly healthy to everyone else. Dr. Poteet had hinted at it when I went down for treatment at Envita. When I try to eat anything with homemade broth (even short cook meat stock), I get depression. If I try to eat even trace amounts of a ferment, I get panic attacks and run to the bathroom. I'll leave it there. You're welcome.

I have been unable to eat some foods for quite some time that I thought were autoimmune reactions. In retrospect, they might actually have been histamine issues. Right now, we're trying to manage it without medication and I'm doing ok. I limit my histamine in foods. I eat a lot of fresh foods. I have started making up homemade chicken tenders and freezing them. The longer something stays in the fridge, the more histamine it releases so, if you have Mast Cell, leftovers are not your friend. I have found that I can have pork a couple of times a week. Beef is out. I'm eating chicken, pork, turkey and I think I'm going to get some white fish back in the freezer which is also low histamine.

Between this, Quercetin 3 times a day, Vitamin C twice a day and I've added in this homeopathic treatment for histamine (per my doc), I'm doing ok. Will it get better with brain training?

From what I've read, it's possible it will improve, but it's a lifelong condition that you basically manage. I'm fine with being wrong about that, but I haven't found any evidence to suggest differently. That being said, I love gardening and cooking with fresh ingredients so I don't think this keeps me from living a full life as long as we can manage it.


4. The Gut

I asked my doctor last week, if I react to alot of the things you do to heal your gut, what am I supposed to do?

"Great question." He said.

I hate when he agrees with me.

He said that fecal transplant may be something worth looking into. Guys, I'm not gonna lie... that grosses and creeps me out. But it's something I'm praying about.
He said that he is working to get in touch with a clinic in Utah that looks like a promising place to patients. If you don't mind, please pray with us about this.

**********

In closing, I've come so far. I'm so grateful for what God has done for me and the people who have supported us. I get to garden on a daily basis which has been one of my greatest dreams for over 3 years. In the past (now almost 4) years, I have gone to doctor's appointments with books. Books about gardening and books about chickens. Two of my passions. I don't have the chickens <yet> but I'm getting to garden. I get to grow flowers, I get to be outside everyday (even if it's just for a little while when I'm weak), I'm here for my kids and I'm able to do more than I have been able to in years.

Do I have limitations?
Yes, and I'm learning them.

But I'm here. Thanks to God and everyone who has given and prayed for us.
From the bottom of my heart, 

Thank you.














Why Does God Allow Good People to Suffer? Part 2

Friday, July 17, 2020




Last week I started the blog, 

Why Does God Allow Good People to Suffer? Part 1 

If you missed it, you can read it here.


In the first blog post, I had intended to get much further than I did. First, I had to spend time on the character of God. We HAVE to start with definitions rather than emotions. In our emotion-driven society, it is crucial.

I had to ask the questions:

Who is God?

Can He even stop suffering or is it just a result of a fallen world?

***************

Those two questions took up the entire blog post.

Today, I am going to attempt to finish answering the question.


I chose to title these blogs the way I did intentionally. It is a common argument.
But, I must go back to definitions.

What is a good person?

If you ask most people today, they will tell you that they are a good person. After all, when they compare themselves with others, they stack up pretty well (in their book). Compared to Hitler and Stalin, they're practically saints.

But how does Scripture define us?

Psalm 143:2- Enter not into judgement with your servant,
for no one living is righteous before You. (emphasis mine)

Romans 3:23- For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Isaiah 53:6- All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned everyone- to his own way; and the 
Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.


"Well, yes," you say. "I didn't say I was perfect, I'm just basically good."

Romans 3:9-12 shows us that isn't true.


Romans 3:9-12- What then? Are we Jews any better off? No, not at all. For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written,
"None is righteous, no not one; no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have been worthless;
no one does good,
not even one."

Left to ourselves, we will never seek God and we are not good.
Not you.
Definitely not me.

"Well you don't know my heart!" is the familiar cry of our generation.

You're right.
I don't.

But God does. And this is what He has to say about our hearts:

Mark 7:21-23- From within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and they defile a person.

Jeremiah 17:9- The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

So please, no matter how many times you hear it on a movie...



don't follow your heart. It will not lead you to hope and life. More on that in a minute.

*****


The fact is, that only ONE good person has ever suffered.

That is Jesus Christ.





In Christianity, we have worked to "pretty up" the cross. You like that word?
I made it up. We have worked to make the cross beautiful. And in a sense it is.

But in another,
it is the most gruesome thing you have ever seen.

When I went to pick out a picture of a cross, I found a lot of "glowing crosses."
These were beautiful crosses up on a hill. There was a gorgeous sunset behind. I believe it was meant to make us feel uplifted.

But that's not what the cross was.

Back in Deuteronomy 21:22-23 we are told:

And if a man has committed a crime punishable by death and he is put to death, and you hang him on a tree, his body shall not remain all night on the tree, but you shall bury him the same day, for a hanged man is cursed by God...

The Roman cross was torture, innumerable suffering, and death.
You were hung naked or barely clothed.
Your pride didn't matter.
You were hung bare.

And God chose that death for himself.

Galatians 3:13- Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us- for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree."

Knowing that Christ suffered so, why should I think that I would not?

Galatians 2:20- I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

So, when I am a follower of Jesus Christ, my life is nailed to that cross just as my Master's was. It is surrendered. It is not my own.

So how can this give me hope?


It gives me hope because it is part of His work in my life.

Philippians 1:6- And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

So Christ not only does the work to save me, He not only does the work to draw me...

He does the work to make me more like Him.

1 Peter 1:6-7- In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 

Romans 5:3-5 
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Philippians 3:8-11
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness of God that depends on faith- that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.


Charles Spurgeon said, "The Lord gets his best soldiers out of the highlands of affliction."

The Apostle Paul knew this to be true. Look at the godliest saints you know. They have likely known enormous suffering. Two of my favorites are Corrie Ten Boom and Elisabeth Elliot.

Elisabeth Elliot is a saint who has suffered much. She lost her first husband, Jim Elliot, on the mission field in Ecuador, when he was murdered by the Auca Indians. She lost her second husband to cancer. She also has suffered much persecution for her stand for the truth of God's Word in a compromising world. In her book, A Path Through Suffering, she recounts the day she was waiting to find out whether or not her 2nd husband had cancer. She wrote that she had just found an apartment for her aging mother, visited a friend whose son had been killed, talked with Jill, whose 3 year old had a serious heart condition, and was now waiting in the hospital. As she waited, she wrote down on a scrap of piece of paper the following:


How to deal with suffering of any kind:
1. Recognize it
2. Accept it
3. Offer it to God as a sacrifice
4. Offer yourself with it

-With the Master by Susan Heck


In her own book, A Path Through Suffering, Elisabeth Elliot has this to say about Corrie Ten Boom:

Corrie Ten Boom was a woman of strong faith and a radiant face. Why? Not because she had not suffered, but because she had, and had responded to the suffering with trust. Learning the depth of human helplessness and weakness, she turned to her "strong tower" and He was faithful to His promises. One of the most soul- fortifying pictures I have of her in my mind is of her getting up in the morning, standing up in her solitary cell, and singing in a loud voice so that other prisoners could hear, "Stand up, Stand up for Jesus!"

"Oh, I never could have survived," we say. Well, we were not asked to. But we could have if the Lord had allowed us to be put in her position, and if we had responded as Corrie did, looking to Him for the next grace. I mean, of course, that we could have survived spiritually. The body they may kill, but so what? Jesus said, "Do not fear those who kill the body and after that have nothing more they can do. I will warn you whom to fear: fear Him who, after He has killed, hast Authority to case into hell."

In other words, fear God and become fearless. Nothing in heaven or earth or hell can scare you.


Does this mean I should wish for suffering?

Of course not. Christians should not sit around with a dark mood, wishing for God to "beat them up."

Rather, we should fix our mind on what is true, honest, just pure, lovely, of good report, and virtuous. (Phil 4:8)

When the hard times come, we can call out for deliverance as the Psalmist:

Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

And then we speak to our own souls. This is how Psalm 13 ends:

But I have trusted in Your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because He has dealt bountifully with me.

The Psalmist, who feels forgotten by God, does not suppress his emotions. He acknowledges them. He faces them head on.
And then he tells them the truth.

And that brings me to my final point. The truth and the hope.

Christian, you must stand strong.

In the Scriptures, God shows us that He has us live for the day:

Matthew 6:24-27

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

So have hope. He sees you. You are not forgotten. You are of infinite more value to him then the birds He cares for.

In 2 Corinthians chapter 1, we see that Paul experience some type of affliction in Asia which caused such a despair that they thought they might die. Yet, it was so that they could not rely on themselves but on God. Relying on ourselves brings us to hopelessness. We're limited in our abilities, our finances, our knowledge. God is unlimited in all of these. Set your hope on Him.

So,

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. (Romans 12:12)

Know that is is okay to ask for deliverance.


I covered this briefly before but we see this theme all throughout the Psalms.

Psalm 3:3-4 
But You, O Lord, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head. 
I cried aloud to the Lord,
and He answered me from His holy hill.

Psalm 4:1
Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!
You have given me relief when I was in distress.
Be gracious and hear my prayer.


Psalm 5:1-2
Give ear to my words, O Lord;
consider my groaning.
Give attention to the sound of my cry,
my King and my God,
for to you do I pray.

Psalm 6:2-3
Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O Lord- how long?

I could go on, but I encourage you to pray the Psalms. Use the format and turn your own prayers to the Lord.

Wait on the Lord for His timing and His ways.

God's ways are higher than ours (Isa 55:8-9).
While trusting in His character (see part one of the blog), knowing this is for our good, and crying out to God for deliverance, we are to wait on Him.

Psalm 37:5
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in Him, and He will act.

Psalm 27:14- Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!

Exodus 14:14- The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.


Last year, when God allowed me to get completely to the end of myself, He showed me that He was the All Sufficient One. He taught me to rest in Him through my darkest of days. And then, when it looked the the treatment was completely beyond reach, He taught me that He alone was my provider.

These truths are what sustained me. These gospel truths are what gave me hope. It is my deepest prayer that they will do the same for you.


There is nothing more emphasized in the New Testament Epistles than this quality of just keeping on whether things go well with us or not. We are to go on saying:
'God knows what is best for me. I will trust in God. Even though He slay me yet I will trust in Him.' That is patient endurance, keeping on, and it is as we are tried and tested that all these other elements which go to furnish our faith become developed and are perfected.

There is nothing which so certifies the genuineness of a man's faith as his patience and his patient endurance, his keeping on steadily in spite of everything.

-Martyn Lloyd Jones 
Spiritual Depression